Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
