If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
