we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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