Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
