so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
