Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize