Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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