at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
