I wish I could teleport
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
