Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
