Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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