He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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