I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
