I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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