careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize