my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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