I want to stick my p in your. b.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
