I think I won the penis lottery.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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