either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
