I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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