All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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