Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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