woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My dick has a subreddit
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
