idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
