If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
