Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
