me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
