all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize