dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
