Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
