Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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