Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
