his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
