my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
