Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
