I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
