i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
