I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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