I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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