I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
