I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize