Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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