i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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