I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Are my feet made of real feet?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Alive.
So much puke
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
