So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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