We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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