My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think your dad took our porno
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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