ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
