you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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