hell yes lets make some ravioli
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
