My cat gives me a boner
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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