I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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