based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i dont even know how to be here
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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