On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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