his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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