Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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