Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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