I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
