so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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