I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
