That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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