This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
