my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
