Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
