I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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