do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
