your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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