I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
