Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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