Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
